Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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