why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
