She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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