i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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