I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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