it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
