never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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