Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
