You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
