my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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