If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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