Say something about gay babies.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
