Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
