If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
oh god the rape fog is back!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
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