i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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