I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
