trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
