first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
