as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
A bitchslap is in order.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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