My Higher Power is John Stamos
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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