i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
