get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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