I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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