i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
