i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
