What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
