Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
