I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize