We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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