Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
