I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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