seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
