theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
