I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
