My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
