Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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