drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
