He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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