I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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