so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
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We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
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VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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