Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
