Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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