So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
