i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
