I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
He has the fingertips of a God
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