Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Found your dick twin last night
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Randomize
