All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
