my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
