FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
