Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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