At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
