I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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