You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
