Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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