why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
