dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize