How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
