I'm really into asian looking animals
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
