i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize