I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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