I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
