Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
