You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
