ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
