had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
