Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
