Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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