mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
