I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
