So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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