Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
