nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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