wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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