sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Couch. On fire.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
