Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
