Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
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